Anger & Bipolar: A 30 Year Retrospective Part 1 of 2

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As someone who grew up on the East Coast, being pushy seemed to be the norm, especially when it came to driving in Boston where the phrase offensively-defensive was coined (certainly during rush hour while driving in the breakdown lane & intersection gridlock when beating the light turning red) as this mindset seemed to permeate daily life.

For those of us who are Bipolar (anywhere on the Bipolar Spectrum) being in this environment reinforced a skill-set that was certainly not in our best interest at the time and learning how to moderate our impulse control mechanism was almost nonexistent.

We were rewarded for this aggressive behavior by moving forward toward our achievements and goals whether they be personally or professionally…oftentimes at great sacrifice to our physical health (alcohol & drug use) and mental well being.

Moving to Southern California over 30 years ago (sunshine & warm beaches in the winter) I thought pushiness was left behind and adapting to the pace of California would balance my coping skills, just like I thought taking meds for my Mental Health issues would solve them without the other work of therapy, behavior modification,….. all the necessary components of mental health balance.

Well, as you can guess, it didn’t go as expected so maybe it wasn’t about the East Coast pushy, aggressive, me first attitude and there were other underlying issues… not just environmental.

There were and it’s taken many years of NOT realizing that whether you’re from the East or West Coast is immaterial, Mental Health Challenges and coping skills are the issue and resolution.

Through this awakening, anger (and it’s root “fear”) have become apparent and are an arena that’s being tackled. It’s very challenging because unchartered areas don’t necessarily have a blueprint or map to follow but with the help of my Mental Health Team and Support Group I’m navigating this scary and oftentimes unpredictable path.

More to come on this topic soon.

Be-Connected.org “What do you do for the Other 23 Hours of the Day” provides peer-led support groups and is an opportunity for those not only with the mental health challenges but for their support team (family &/or friends) to attend and learn, as well as change public perceptions on Mental Health Challenges through Education by Awareness Campaigns.

How to Connect by Practicing Connecting

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As a follow up to my last blog, On Being Connected, something concrete is the next obvious step especially for those of us in the Mental Health Spectrum for whom connecting in everyday social engagements can oftentimes be difficult or awkward (or for anyone else who finds this challenging).

To set the stage, Brene’ Brown (whose writing resonates for me) in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, further defines connection as,”the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued;…” helps us to better understand the how to. When I feel seen and heard it changes how I feel on an emotional level pretty quickly (positively).

It all begins when we were younger and in school (or sometimes at home beforehand) when we learned how to read, write and do arithmetic by being taught then practicing, a constant daily task, and once we reached one level there was always a next level to work to through practicing. The fundamental building blocks.

If we got involved in other activities i.e. music, art, dance, athletics,…there was constant teaching (instructions), practicing and new levels to reach if we wanted (or our parents wanted us to). This form of practicing for the most part has shaped each of us in our personal ways and developed our character traits.

Now in order to connect we need to practice daily whether at the local coffee shop, grocery market, retail store or in our work and personal environments and relationships as well. It just doesn’t happen by itself, in the same way as those of us who have challenges on the Mental Health Spectrum can’t just take a pill (or a few) and be ok…it’s just not one dimensional.

Those of us on The Spectrum, oftentimes find online media i.e. Facebook, Twitter,… an easier and more comfortable way to connect and if we use this as our only means of connection we can potentially become isolated as noted author Daniel Goleman, in his book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships states,”Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” Face-to-face for some portion is part of the equation.

That said it’s time for me to go out and mix it up….a little bit nervous but excited too. I learned to read, write and do arithmetic so this will probably work too!

On Being Connected

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In the Mental Health arena, and especially as one who is an “end user”, having people to go to (connections) when you’re not with mental health professionals, support groups or engaged in activities with others (when you’re by yourself) is a critical part of your self-care…in other words what do you do for the other 23 hours of the day?

Brene’ Brown, a renowned writer and research professor, in her book The Gifts Of Imperfection, defines connection in a way that really resonates for me, “…we are wired for connection. It’s in our biology. From the time we are born, we need connection to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually.”

For those of us with Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, other Mood Disorders or anywhere on The Spectrum, having a connection who is/was in the same place is a vital link for us. Oftentimes our Mental challenges, that we’ve sometimes had for a number of years (either diagnosed or undiagnosed/medicated or not), gets in the way of us making these connections.

And quite honestly, it’s a pretty scary thought for us to find and seek out a group (typically peer-led) because we know how difficult it is to assemble our mental health professional team (psychiatrist, therapist, social worker,..) in the first place and especially if we’re looking to add/change some members of this team.

Be Connected provides peer-led support groups and is an opportunity for those not only with the challenges but for their support team (family &/or friends) to attend.

Mood Scale

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Track how you’re feeling with “50” being even keeled & as the #’s rise from 50 it’s more mania & as the #’s go lower from 50 it’s depression…

MOOD SCALE

100: Elated, raging, incoherent, belligerent. Can’t stop talking! Hallucinations, paranoid

90: Elated, delusional,distortions of time. Unable to control emotions and thoughts.

80: Feel everything is working perfectly. Elated. Sleeping very little. Hostile, racing thoughts. Inappropriate spending.

70: Overactive, talkative. Many ideas for projects. Scattered creativity. Social inappropriate and slightly obtrusive.

60: Feel positive, confident, creative, high energy. May want to spend money, travel. Awareness of hyperactivity.

50: Feel good, productive. Good concentration. One day at a time. Deal with problems. Can plan ahead, carry through.

40: Mild depression. Lack of energy, anxious. Going through the motions.

30: Moderate depression. Loss of energy, disinterest in others. Weight, sleep, appetite disturbances. Function with effort, anxiety, isolated.

20: Depressed, feel abandoned. Sleep disturbance. Withdrawn. Suicidal thoughts not acted upon. Obsessing.

10: Very depressed, feel abandoned. Serious sleep disturbance. Very withdrawn, suicidal thoughts not acted on. Obsessing.

0: Unable to eat, take medication. Delusional, stuporous, stares into space. Very little response when questioned.